just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
