I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
