Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
