I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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