Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
