Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
pray to the hookup gods
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize