you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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