On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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