the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
