oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
