Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
