i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
