im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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