Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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