well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
