i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
