dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
