Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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