Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You can't just leave with hair like that
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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