I smell stomach acid.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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