have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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