I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
