I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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