Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i think my mom watched the whole time
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
