You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
