its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
