the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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