I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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