I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
