Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
