drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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