At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
