if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize