youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
