I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
