apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
