K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
