Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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