she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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