a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
