Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
