I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
