No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
