the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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