who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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