the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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