i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
