Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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