dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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