I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
