It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
