I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
