I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
