I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
