Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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