You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
