i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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