dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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