I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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