ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
