I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
