If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
