I seem to have left my pride at pride
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
