Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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