I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
