he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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