seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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