She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
