so that wasnt chicken after all
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
