I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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