I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
