okay pat passed out under dana's car
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
