Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
