facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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