So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
