I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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