i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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