fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I lost the right to judge tonight
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
