I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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