Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
