So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
time to smoke my breakfast
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
