I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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