This house was built for laser tag.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They have beer where we have blood.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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