"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
