In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize