I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
