I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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