note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize