I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
