you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
