I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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