like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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