im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
