I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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