and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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