Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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