dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
