You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
