just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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