sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
