p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The adults are the big ones right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
